It actually means a couple of things to me. First, I think in todays day in age we work a little too hard at making everyone a "winner." Like I said before, this is hard as a mom, but I don't want my kids to always win. If they are "winners" regardless of their effort what is the point. I have 5 children, they are all VERY different which means some are better at things than others. For example, Cole tends to be more athletic than Cooper. It's no secret to either boy that Cole is more athletic than Cooper, but instead of either not making a big deal about Cole's accomplishments athletically so we don't hurt Cooper's feelings, or trying to make everything "fair" (which means Cole doesn't do his best) so everyone is happy, we have chosen to talk about it. We noticed that Cooper would evaluate if he could win, or be the best, at the activity we were doing and if he felt like he couldn't he wouldn't even try. I get this, I do this! I don't want him to live that way though. I want him to try, I want him to work, and I want him to fail so that he will learn that it's OK! We want to teach our kids that we are not all good at everything. This doesn't mean that we don't work super hard to be the best we can be at what we set our mind to, but it DOES mean, even if we didn't win or we weren't the best we cheer on those who did win or who are the best. This is life. It's been interesting to watch, recently I heard the boys chatting in the backseat. Coop told cole, "you are better at karate than me, but I'm better at spelling. That's ok! I'll help you spell better and you can show me some karate moves." My heart seriously melted!!! That's what I have prayed for, see the benefit of having someone "be" better than you, you don't have to be unkind or jealous to make yourself feel better, you can encourage and learn from them! I hope this teaches them that when they are adults they MUST work hard to get what they want, but they must also be kind and gracious. I want my kids to be each others (and others) biggest cheer leaders. I know some people say this could make them push overs, but I think it is the opposite, I think it will make them amazing leaders.
This leads to my second reason I want my kids to be good at failing. Being raised in a large family without a lot of discretionary income we learned really early that just because one of us got something doesn't mean the other was going to. My parents took it to another level, we not only didn't get what the other person got every time, but we needed to be happy about that! I think this comes easier to some than others. I so appreciate my parents instilling this and TRAINING us in this idea. I'm pretty sure my mom would let one of us get a "treat" and not the others to train us in how to respond correctly. She would say "guys, we are going to rejoice with those who rejoice." I didn't understand when I was younger what this meant, but I do now! This is hard for me because many times one child will get something at the store or as a gift and it's just easier to say "ok, whatever" then it is to say, "no, today Jude is going to get something and not you and we are going to be happy for them," and deal with the subsequent tantrum. We are practicing this a lot lately (feel free to stare if you see me with a screaming child in target). I want my kids to learn that this world does NOT revolve around them. This means if Jude gets something, you work really hard at being happy for him. You're time will come, you lack for nothing, you will learn to be happy for others and not immediately think "when is it my turn?" I think this will serve them well in relationships as adults. I hope as they grow and as we "practice" this, my little humans will grow into the kind of people that love and encourage well, are grateful for what they have and not always looking at what others have and want it, or walk around with a scowl on their face thinking about how "life isn't fair." They'll know that, yup, life isn't fair and that's ok!!!
Celebrating "just" Jude at his disco dance party...that's a whole other blog post!!!!
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