Sunday, May 29, 2016

They are all mine....

It is no secret we have a lot of kids. I understand that anywhere we go we tend to stand out like a sore thumb. I feel like we have been a spectacle when we only had 2 children (granted, they looked like twins so i guess thats why). Lately though, I feel like a circus side show no matter where we go. Maybe its because we have done a little more "touristy" things this summer or because Rose has developed a delightful screaming habit to get what she wants, Whatever the reason, Im having to fight more and more to keep my mouth shut. If you know me, you know this is not my strong suit. 

Let me start with this. Clay and I have chosen to have a large family. We feel like, though we are FAR from experts at this, we are doing an ok job. We recognize that we are raising small adults. We take this job VERY seriously. We want our children to grow into successful, generous, kind, hard working adults who make a difference in this world. That does not happen without constant training and talking and talking and talking. So, this means we take them out to dinner, or on their first airplane ride, or to Disney, or public or everywhere (I mean, I don't really have much of a choice.) Clay and I have decided that when we go most places where human interaction is required they are not allowed to have screens (don't get me wrong, we have a love/hate relationship with screens. Sometimes they are necessary for survival!). If we are eating out they need to talk to humans, if we are in the store interacting with cashiers I want them to look at them in their eyes and interact, if we are spending time with friends I want them to communicate with friends and not their screen. A child cannot understand how to interact with anyone, especially adults unless they are taught, so that is what we are trying to do. In a previous post I talked about behavior I expect from my kids, so, though they are far from perfect, they are pretty well behaved when we are out and about, and  someone is going nuts, you will probably see me running to the car, because I cant, like I literally sweat ugly sweats, turn red and start laughing (because otherwise i may cry), so we leave!

With that all said, I am used to the stares. It has gotten to the point where people, almost every day, point, count my children out loud, make the most absurd comments (I'll get to that in a minute), make terrible faces (like you would think I have boils on my face or am spreading the bubonic plague through my seed).  I don't even notice half the time anymore, but I did start to think the other day, how would a new mom with young children, who is already feels like she is probably failing at this parenting thing, feel if she was greeted with those horrid looks. She is probably already so stressed about getting on a plane with an infant, those looks will only add to the stress. The couple who can't afford a sitter AND dinner out so they bring their children, only to be greeted with an eye roll when said children make a noise louder than a whisper,  probably doesn't make them feel welcomed or relaxed. Trust me, when I go out without children the last thing I want to hear is another screaming human, but give that poor parent a little grace. I'm pretty sure they aren't enjoying that tantrum any more than you. I hear lots of complaints about children who are only able to behave with a screen and what horrible job my generation is doing with our children because we use screens as a babysitter (probably somewhat true) But, if we choose not to, and they make a sound above a whisper we get a look and feel like a failure. So, grace, just a little goes a long way.

So, as one friend to another, I'm going to give you a few dos and don'ts for when you see a parent with children, maybe a lot, maybe just one having a meltdown. Also, as therapy for me I'm going to list all the comments I've heard with the response I may or may not have said.

First, NEVER, I repeat NEVER tell a parent "they have their hands full." I would like to say "no sh*t sherlock." What do you even say to that (and don't say my heart is fuller….I can't, I just can't) If I had a dollar for every time I heard that I'd be a millionaire. It's like telling someone with a beet red sunburn, "oh my gosh, you are so burnt." No Duh!!!! Don't say it, just don't.

So for this fun game I will be "M" and the commenter will be "C." So here goes….

C - Wow, you do know how that happens right?
M - No, I'm not sure, could you give me and my children a tutorial, with visuals, right here in aisle 8!

C- Are all these kids yours?
M - No, I pick up vagrant children on the street and bring them with me to do fun things like grocery shop.

C- You guys must not have a TV.
M -  We actually do, but while we are on the subject, how is your sex life?

C- Are you catholic?
M - no, what birth control do you use?

C - Oh, so you couldn't get pregnant so you adopted that one and then you had your own.
M - No, my uterus works great, thanks!

C- Are they all from one dad?!?
M - no! I practice brother husbands….kind of like sister wives, but with husbands….

C - You sure are busy!
M - Actually I had all these children so that I can sit on the couch and eat bon bons while they do all the chores.

C - Your done having kids right?
M- No, we are planning on about 15 more.

C- wow, you're like the duggars.
M -actually, I have 5, not 19, you may want to repeat kindergarten and work on that counting!

C- your husband must make a lot of money to pay for all those kids. 
M- I'm totally taking donations if you are offering.

And one of my personal favorites, with my children walking with me…
C- If I had a wife that looked like you I'd make that many babies with you too!!!
M - nothing, I've got nothing.

So, when you see a parent out with children, struggling or not, and you feel compelled to say something maybe say, "you are doing a great job," or maybe, just maybe, my very favorite thing to hear " your children are very well behaved." Holla!!!!