confessions

Today we had our second class to become licensed to foster a child. I will not lie, they are kind of torterous. The class is from 6:30-9:30 every Monday night for 10 weeks. After a long day with kids (and Clay having a long day at work) neither of us are very enthusiastic to sit in a class for 3 hours.

Tonight at the end of class we watched a video...like a VHS video that you rewind. As you can imagine it was a bit dated. Ironically, in that very dated, kind of cheesy movie a tiny part spoke to me...deeply. Their was a scene with a mom who had been addicted to cocaine who had been clean for 8 months. She was talking in a support group about how the people that had fostered her children were a vital part in her recovery and ability to have her children returned to her. In that moment I realized something, in this journey we may not just be called to love, nurture, care and pray for a child, we may be called to do that for their parents also. This is hard.

I was a pediatric nurse at a very large children's hospital for 7 years. I saw things I wish I could forget. I saw children with wounds that were suffering pain that no child should suffer, especially at the hands of the people that should love them and care for them the most. I struggled to care for those children and to be objective while their parents stood beside me, all the while I was praying that child would never have to return back to the place where they were hurt. I cared for so many drug babies being weaned off of the awful drugs their mother took while she was pregnant with them. I held her screaming, writhing, unconsolable baby in the middle of the night because she could not see past her need for her next high. Why would I want to help these people get their children back? Because I would pray that if I ever find myself in a situation where I can't see past an uncontrollable need for something that will jeoproadize my children and their well being, that their would be someone who would not only care for my children while I couldn't, but that they would be my cheerleader to get me back in control of my life so that I can be the mother that I was made to be. I would pray if I am in a situation where my children aren't safe someone would take them, love them like their own, while I figure out how to provide my children with a safe home. In that moment, all of the parents of the children I have cared for, and will care for, became people, people I am called to pray for, people who I am called to serve, no matter the situation.

Now, don't get me wrong, I would NEVER want to be a part of putting a child back into a hopeless situation or back in a place that would cause them harm, but if part of this calling on our lives includes praying for these people we will do it. If the most loving thing we can do for everyone involved is to become a forever family for a child we will do it. If anything, tonight helped me to realize that this journey may include God using us in more than just the lives of the children that come through our home, but the lives of the parents of these children. This WILL get hard. We WILL want to quit and we may, but pray that we can be faithful and diligent to fulfill this call the Lord has placed on our life.

Let the games begin!

So, after much prayer, thought, discussions, and more prayer we have decided to be re-licensed to be foster parents. Yes, we know we are crazy. Yes, we know we already have a full plate. Yes, we know this is GOING to be hard. We have not come to this decision lightly. Let me explain how we came to this decision.

We were licensed in 2006 for a year. Long story short, this is a huge reason we were blessed with Cooper. What a treasure and joy he is to us. We feel like, though life is crazy with 4 kids 6 and under, the time is right for us to pursue this calling. We feel called to this mission field. We plan to foster as many children that need a home (1 child at a time) for as long as the Lord calls us to foster. If a child comes available for adoption and he or she is a good fit for our family, we will adopt again. We are not diluted to think that this will be easy. I'll be honest, when we were sitting in the first licensing class last night I had a wave (more like a hot flash) realizing the HUGE life change we are about to embark on. The realization that I am adding a lot of unknowns to my life. I'm about to disturb the routine and stability of my children's lives. Is this really what I want? Is this wise? When I waiver I will choose to trust that what God has called each of us to, He will provide the strength and patience for us to do it.

The more Clay and I prayed about this and thought about this decision the more I was reminded, this life is not meant to be "easy" or "comfortable." My parents used to tell me all the time, "to much is given much is required." I have been given immeasurably more than I deserve. I feel like this is my families calling. To minister to the hurting, broken, abandoned children. I want my children to embrace this mission. They will have to share their mommy and daddy with a child that they don't even know. I want them to learn now to love the "unlovable." I want them to learn that they have been called to serve and minister, even at six, four and two years old. They can do mighty things for the kingdom by loving on the children God has placed in our home, whether for a few days, months or years.

We beg for your prayers at this time. We are prepping for a big life change. We are terrified, but hopeful. Pray for the hearts of each child that will be in our home. Our prayer is that no matter how long they are with us they will be able to look back, even in the worst moments, and know that they are loved, not only by the people in this zoo, but by their Creator....So, let the games begin!