The yes mom.

Whenever I start to think about a blog post I feel like its all a muddled mess in my head. So random and I jump around constantly….this blog post is still kind of muddled. I also feel like I always have to qualify every blog with "I am no expert at this life thing, just me being transparent about how I do this crazy life thing." 

I get asked a lot how I "mother" this zoo. All of my kids are crazy different..all of them, not one alike (that would be much too easy!). I vividly remember growing up thinking that, somehow, I wanted to have obedient and respectful kids, but kids with their own personalities that didn't feel squashed by what I wanted them to be. Then I married Clay….Mr personality. Now I have 5 very passionate, full of personalty humans. I mean, I can't even half the time! Now most of this parenting stuff is flying by the seat of my pants, but some of it is very intentional. The more kids I have the more I CRAVE order and control. I definitely think running a house full of humans requires an element of order, if not I would quickly be on the next episode at hoarders (I cannot lie, when I watch that show I feel like I totally have my act together!). We run a tight ship in this place. We have a schedule and rules and my kids know what is expected of them. With all that said I want to be the yes mom.

The longer I do this life thing the more I realize its not very easy. In my 33 years I've experienced some really hard and painful things, but in the grand scheme of things I live the dream. Even "living the dream" this adulating thing is hard! 

I feel like I have 3 "Megans" living inside me. 
- Pinterest Megan…the one that walks out the door (leaving behind a spotless, perfectly decorated house with a delicious dinner simmering in the crackpot), my kids are dressed perfectly, hair combed, matching shoes AND socks (my kids hate wearing socks…hence the stench that follows them if they wear sneakers), skipping to the car ready for the amazing crafty activities of the day.
- Apathetic Megan (probably the most dominant Megan)…I don't care…as long as all my humans are alive and have bathed in the last week I'm good! Apple squeezers are the fruit of the day and I wave as all the people stare and count. 
- In the middle…I try so hard every day to find the balance of the 2 extreme Megans.

As I try to find this balance I have realized that I want to be the yes mom. This means that Pinterest Megan is going to get squashed. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY I have to try and silence the pinterest Megan….If I want to be the yes mom I'm not going to sweat the small stuff. In our house that means you can pick your haircut. Dear Lord, 2 years of Cooper's signature haircut about did me in! Praise the Lord he decided to cut it today! It means my kids can pick out their clothes (other than Sunday and a few other occasions). I'm pretty sure Jude wore the same 2 pairs of shorts for 3 weeks straight (the pinterest mom may accidentally throw away said nasty clothes after week 3) and a felt red cape. It means BK can have free reign (in her designated areas) to craft however she wants. Good night….you have no idea you are a control freak until you try to do a craft with a kid….it might just kill you! Being a yes mom means, when my kids get money I let them pick what they want, 1 million pieces and all (the pinterest mom in me throws the whole shebang away as soon as so many pieces are missing its not functioning…when said child is not looking and it's stuffed in the bottom of the trash can never to be found again!). It means letting my little people pick what activity or sport they would like to do….even if I know they will probably be terrible at it. It means, letting my children help me cook…OMG, this one makes me hot. Like inside I feel like I'm going to internally combust! 

As I fight these Megans I remind myself that my children will have to adult much too soon. They will hear "no's" for the rest of their lives. I do want them to learn to work through things and problem solve, but honestly, their is a lot of time for that. I want them to be kids. I want them to remember being able to experience lots of things the way they want to. I want them to grow into who God wants them to be gently and happily. So every day, before I say no, I weigh if it really matters. If it makes a mess it makes a mess, it's just a good opportunity to teach them to clean. So, when I'm out and BK is wearing her black, knee high boots with cut off jeans in the dead of summer, just know I cringed, laid out 5 super cute outfits as alternatives and then let her walk out the door….this is why Rose will be dressed to the nines until she won't let me dress her anymore! The pinterest Megan will not be completely squashed!