Over It!!!!

So, this post may get me in some trouble, but, I don't really care....

I love Facebook, Instagram and social media in general as much as the next person, but lately as I scroll through my feed I often scroll past numerous "articles" people have posted with their two sense attached. For a while I would read some of these, or just scan them to get the general idea. Lately, for my own sanity, I scroll right past.  Let me explain. In the past few months, if some random person were to scroll through my feed they would probably infer I'm friends with a bunch of judgmental, opinionated, rude people. If I applied just SOME of the articles that have popped up on my feed I should assume that

• Because Clay and I have chosen to vaccinate our children (for many reasons, none of which is your damn business....take a breath, yes I cussed and feel free to attach a post as to why I am harming myself by choosing to.) we are putting chopped up baby parts in our children and are therefore condoning abortion. 
• Inversely, because some of my closest friends have made the choice not to vaccinate their children if I let their kids play with mine we will all contract small pox and die.
• Because I was raised in a Christian home with my dad as the head of our household and we even were a part of a homeschool group (yes, the one the duggars have ascribed to! Take another breath!),  Though we didn't stay for a long time, as a result, I was mentally abused, led astray and should basically "throw the baby out with the bath water" and abandon all I believe and was taught. ( Don't get me wrong it definitely had/has many flaws, but also had some solid teachings and helped form me into the person I am today.)
• Because we choose to homeschool we are setting our children up for failure. They will definitely grow up to be under-socialized nerds who are devoid of personality and life experience.
• Inversely, if I choose to ever put my children in school they will forever be corrupted by the common core.
• Because Clay and I believe in Jesus and believe the Bible is inherent truth, we believe that Clay is the head of this family. We have chosen, though I was a great nurse and had a very successful career and worked for years WHILE I had children (because I'm sure their is an article about if a woman chooses to pursue her career before or while having children she is clearly failing at her job as a woman) in this season of my life, I will stay home with my children and educate them. Because of this choice I am now a diluted, oppressed, male dominated and controlled woman. If ANY of you know me, you know this couldn't be any farther from the truth (Bless Clay's heart!)
•  Because Clay and I have chosen to have a large family we are contributing to overpopulation and we are single handedly contributing to the end of the world.
• Because Clay and I don't feel called to "have as many kids as God will give us" we little faith and will let the other "religions" of the world take over. 

Seriously, I could go on and on. When did we become such a close minded, opinionated, judgmental group of people?! (We probably always have been, it's just easier behind the safety of our screens.) What happened to "So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Don't get me wrong, I'm all for fighting for what I believe. I'm all for standing up for injustice and those who can not speak for themselves. If you KNOW me and live life with me you know that I am a passionate person and will fight for what I think is right. But let's be honest...I have NEVER read an overgeneralized, judgmental, condemning article (even if I agreed with some of it) and said, "you know what, this is so right. Everything I have EVER believed is false, I'm going to completely adopt this way of thinking and throw away every part of what has made me who I am today and become this!" NO!!! If anything I want to do the exact opposite if it's presented in this way. If you feel strongly about an issue, give me a call, lets grab some coffee, your kids can run wild with mine and we can hash things out. At the end I may say, "you know what, what you have said has some valid points and I'm really going to have to process this." Or, I may say, "you know what, let's agree to disagree, this was great. I love hearing other opinions, let's do it again next week." 

Though I love social media, I think it can be dangerous. We think that, as we sit in the comfort of our home or fancy coffee shop, we can read a few article, become an expert of all things, double click a few times, repost, give our two sense and feel like we've just made a difference. I would grossly disagree.....I think you probably just ostracized a large group of people, made yourself unapproachable and probably just pissed off a bunch of people (probably what I'm doing now). WE assume everyone is coming from the same place, but really, you don't know what I have walked through, you don't know why I have made the choices I have made and honestly, when I'm standing at the gates of heaven I'm pretty sure God is not going to say "well done my good and faithful servant, you reposted some articles on Facebook and made some lasting change for my Kingdom." Um, I'm thinking NO! Once again, I'm not saying don't be passionate about what you believe, but maybe, just maybe, take a second before you re-post something and think, "how could this be perceived? What is my intention in posting this? Am I really going to do any good spreading "my" message this way." 

I understand I'm probably opening myself up for a lashing and I could definitely be perceived as being judgmental even writing this post, but I feel like it needs to be said. When I open my newsfeed wanting to see pictures of my friends, or funny comments and end up closing my feed feeling beaten up, judged, like I'm failing at life in general, I'm pretty sure it may be time to do a little "cleaning out."

It's all too much!

 So, the last few weeks I’ve been hit with a few situations where some moms I know have really been struggling…really struggling. Struggling with the load of being a mom, struggling with having to look like they are keeping it all together, struggling with the thought that this may not be what they want, but not feeling comfortable telling someone until they are completely broken to the point that they don’t care anymore. As I hear about these things my heart breaks and then I question, “why is this happening, where are all the people around her that should recognize she is breaking?” 

As I have thought and prayed about these things a few things have really stuck out. DISCLAIMER-I know and totally agree that my walk with the Lord is paramount to keeping me from this breaking point, but sometimes my walk with the Lord is not where it needs to be and I start to falter. As I have thought about this and decided to blog about it, know that in all of this I know that this is the foundation, but I also think a few other things factor in. So, I want to encourage everyone, not just moms or women with a few thoughts. 

One, Social media….SO MUCH SOCIAL MEDIA! Don’t get me wrong I love it. I love being able to post about my life, I love to be able to see other people and how they live and what is going on in their lives, but if you are like me, when I look at all the facebook or instagram posts, in my subconscious I think, “obviously, their house is spotless, their kids are playing peacefully together dressed in perfectly matched clothes and a pinterest dinner is simmering on the stove.” Now, if anyone lives a life like mine the reality is my house is a wreck, if I can even find all of my children they are bickering or “playing” together making a HUGE mess and I’m trying to figure out if the random hodge podge of food in my fridge will make any kind of edible meal. Let’s be real, social media is not reality, but in moments of weakness and self doubt, when I scroll through my news feed I’m sure that I’m failing at this and just about any of my 500 “friends” are doing this much better than me. 

Next, I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me, I want everyone to think I have it totally together and that I NEVER need help. The last few years, by God’s grace, I have learned the suffocating pressure of this and worked hard to “be real” with those around me. It may mean I look a little crazy (let’s be honest, this is most days!) It means some days I workout at 7am and don’t get a chance to take a shower till way later, so if you want to hang out I’m gonna smell bad and not look very cute. It may mean if you come over and play, as hard as I try, my house WON’T look like Pinterest puked organization in my house. In my few years of learning this, it is super humbling, but so freeing. STOP putting pressure on yourself to be perfect! You will fail! Work hard. Work to make your home run smoothly, however that looks for you, but don’t feel bad if that looks different than your friends or your pinterest page. Do your best, but don’t let the failures define you! 

Along with this “real” living I have been blessed with some amazing friends who I can call and either just talk about life and that this is hard or some that will come over take my kids, clean my house, or cook me food. This is ESSENTIAL in this survival. This season of raising a family is awesome. I think this is one of the hugest  parts of all of this. We, and right now in my life it’s moms, have to find friends or a community that supports us when we are falling. We have to stop living in this false reality and recognize when others are struggling. Inversely, we have to be able to call and say, “I’m struggling right now, I need help, and when you come and help I need to know that their won’t be any judgement.” I was telling a friend recently, maybe we need to make a code word for when we need reinforcements. If we surround ourselves with a community like this, with a support system like this I’m thinking our “facebook” reality will look a lot like our real reality. 

So, if you are at a place of brokeness and you feel like you are drowning, find a friend. If you don’t have one message me. I may not be close and can come grab your kids or make you dinner, but I can pray for you, I can talk and let you know you aren’t alone. Stop playing pretend and be real. 

confessions

Today we had our second class to become licensed to foster a child. I will not lie, they are kind of torterous. The class is from 6:30-9:30 every Monday night for 10 weeks. After a long day with kids (and Clay having a long day at work) neither of us are very enthusiastic to sit in a class for 3 hours.

Tonight at the end of class we watched a video...like a VHS video that you rewind. As you can imagine it was a bit dated. Ironically, in that very dated, kind of cheesy movie a tiny part spoke to me...deeply. Their was a scene with a mom who had been addicted to cocaine who had been clean for 8 months. She was talking in a support group about how the people that had fostered her children were a vital part in her recovery and ability to have her children returned to her. In that moment I realized something, in this journey we may not just be called to love, nurture, care and pray for a child, we may be called to do that for their parents also. This is hard.

I was a pediatric nurse at a very large children's hospital for 7 years. I saw things I wish I could forget. I saw children with wounds that were suffering pain that no child should suffer, especially at the hands of the people that should love them and care for them the most. I struggled to care for those children and to be objective while their parents stood beside me, all the while I was praying that child would never have to return back to the place where they were hurt. I cared for so many drug babies being weaned off of the awful drugs their mother took while she was pregnant with them. I held her screaming, writhing, unconsolable baby in the middle of the night because she could not see past her need for her next high. Why would I want to help these people get their children back? Because I would pray that if I ever find myself in a situation where I can't see past an uncontrollable need for something that will jeoproadize my children and their well being, that their would be someone who would not only care for my children while I couldn't, but that they would be my cheerleader to get me back in control of my life so that I can be the mother that I was made to be. I would pray if I am in a situation where my children aren't safe someone would take them, love them like their own, while I figure out how to provide my children with a safe home. In that moment, all of the parents of the children I have cared for, and will care for, became people, people I am called to pray for, people who I am called to serve, no matter the situation.

Now, don't get me wrong, I would NEVER want to be a part of putting a child back into a hopeless situation or back in a place that would cause them harm, but if part of this calling on our lives includes praying for these people we will do it. If the most loving thing we can do for everyone involved is to become a forever family for a child we will do it. If anything, tonight helped me to realize that this journey may include God using us in more than just the lives of the children that come through our home, but the lives of the parents of these children. This WILL get hard. We WILL want to quit and we may, but pray that we can be faithful and diligent to fulfill this call the Lord has placed on our life.

Let the games begin!

So, after much prayer, thought, discussions, and more prayer we have decided to be re-licensed to be foster parents. Yes, we know we are crazy. Yes, we know we already have a full plate. Yes, we know this is GOING to be hard. We have not come to this decision lightly. Let me explain how we came to this decision.

We were licensed in 2006 for a year. Long story short, this is a huge reason we were blessed with Cooper. What a treasure and joy he is to us. We feel like, though life is crazy with 4 kids 6 and under, the time is right for us to pursue this calling. We feel called to this mission field. We plan to foster as many children that need a home (1 child at a time) for as long as the Lord calls us to foster. If a child comes available for adoption and he or she is a good fit for our family, we will adopt again. We are not diluted to think that this will be easy. I'll be honest, when we were sitting in the first licensing class last night I had a wave (more like a hot flash) realizing the HUGE life change we are about to embark on. The realization that I am adding a lot of unknowns to my life. I'm about to disturb the routine and stability of my children's lives. Is this really what I want? Is this wise? When I waiver I will choose to trust that what God has called each of us to, He will provide the strength and patience for us to do it.

The more Clay and I prayed about this and thought about this decision the more I was reminded, this life is not meant to be "easy" or "comfortable." My parents used to tell me all the time, "to much is given much is required." I have been given immeasurably more than I deserve. I feel like this is my families calling. To minister to the hurting, broken, abandoned children. I want my children to embrace this mission. They will have to share their mommy and daddy with a child that they don't even know. I want them to learn now to love the "unlovable." I want them to learn that they have been called to serve and minister, even at six, four and two years old. They can do mighty things for the kingdom by loving on the children God has placed in our home, whether for a few days, months or years.

We beg for your prayers at this time. We are prepping for a big life change. We are terrified, but hopeful. Pray for the hearts of each child that will be in our home. Our prayer is that no matter how long they are with us they will be able to look back, even in the worst moments, and know that they are loved, not only by the people in this zoo, but by their Creator....So, let the games begin!

Ponderings

So, this may come as a shock, but this parenting thing is hard work! Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my children and entitlement. On one hand I LOVE to see my children happy. I LOVE watching them experience new things. I do NOT love watching my children turn into little spoiled, self serving, narcissistic, entitled little human beings. How do you find a balance between having fun and blessing your kids with an awesome childhood without turning them into little brats? I think and pray about this often. Growing up we didn't have tons of money. Somehow my parents did a great job of giving me an amazing childhood, but they also taught me that this world does not revolve around me (or any of my other siblings). I remember, vividly, my brother getting a pack of underwear (I think he was 5), he was SO excited...who gets excited about underwear? He did! He was so grateful and I remember watching my other siblings enjoy the moment with him. It's kind of a weird memory, but I love it because I think it paints a beautiful picture of thankfulness. Somehow my parents taught me to be servant hearted and to "think of others as more important than myself."One thing my parents did, intentional or not, was that when someone got something not everyone got something. I remember hearing my mom say if any of us were struggling with sitting empty handed "rejoice with those who rejoice." (Don't get me wrong, I fail at this every day...probably every minute!) At the time, in my ungrateful grumpy state, I thought "what the heck does that even mean!?!" Now I say it to my kids....I get it. My kids are so blessed, like ridiculously blessed, so, Clay and I are being intentional at "giving" our kids opportunities to be happy for their siblings when they don't get the same thing the other got. THIS IS HARD. Partly because I don't like to see my kids sad, on the other hand I hate seeing their wicked heart exposed, and boy does it get exposed! We are far from getting this right, but I pray each day that, by God's grace, my children will grow up to see beyond themselves and desire to serve and bless others. I pray that my children would learn to be kind and gentle hearted and be able to "rejoice with those who rejoice." As I write this I am convicted that I must be an example in my behavior. They must see me be grateful in my words and actions....The Nettles all have a lot of work to do =)

                                           My crazy kids at a recent disney trip....so blessed!

         Me with all my siblings the day abby was born....I LOVE being part of a big family.

She cray! All her loot from a recent shopping trip with Nina (Clay's mom).

Halloween at the Zoo

We had a great halloween at the zoo. Everyone chose what they wanted to be, and it is so funny to watch little people decide what to dress up as because it seems to be a pretty accurate picture of each child's personality. Cole-wolverine...he's never very angry, but he is always ready for a fight. He is fierce and FULL of energy! Cooper-happy ghost...cooper is always happy and loves to be sneaky. Bailey Kate-princess fairy...self explanatory being that she introduces herself to EVERYONE as Princess Bailey. Jude- the Hulk....the boy is a brute full of energy and craziness and mischief. He is also as sweet as they come! 

   The day started out with a school parade and parties for Bailey Kate and Jude at school. Then we did our traditional pizza party with friends, get dressed up together and head out. Jude's best friend Sutton was a kangaroo and once we got Jude's hair and face painted Sutton was terrified of him. It was so cute because once Jude realized Sutton was scared he kept saying in his sweet little voice, "It's just me, It's just me Sutton." The ironic part was that Jude was TERRIFIED of anything in a mask....TERRIFIED! I'm pretty sure halloween is a two year olds hell. The other kids were pros at going door to door asking for their loot. They had so much fun with friends and it was so fun to watch them enjoy the night. They also racked up in the candy department. I about lost my mind teaching 2 kids with candy hangovers the next day, I can't imagine a class full of crazy children! Here are some pics from the night! Unfortunately my phone wouldn't let me take many pictures because the storage was full, but here are a few...

Ready for the preschool parade

Sutton the kangaroo

Bffs 

"HULK SMASH!"

Sutton hiding from The Hulk

Looking for some loot

The whole crew!

Reality check!!

A few days ago my friend and I were talking and she shared with me that she doesn't use facebook (or much social media) because it is a stumbling block for her. She'll look through posts about the perfect day with perfect children and spouses in perfectly clean and organized houses doing perfect crafts and eating perfect meals. I'm sure I have been guilty of portraying this. This post is about MY REAL reality!

   Let's begin with the fact that one of the main reasons I use facebook is because I am SO behind on any kind of scrapbooking, photo books, or baby books that I'm hoping maybe, one day I will have the chance to organize all the photos I've taken and put them in a book. If not, I'll just tell my kids to go look at my feed if they want to know when they walked or lost their first tooth. So, here goes....

   My day started at 7:15 (in my ideal world I would have been up at 6, gone for a run, done my devotions and had a lovely, quiet cup of coffee...all of which I would have "documented") with my 4 year old whining from her room, "I need to go to the bathroooooooom!" So, I rolled out of bed to start my day. I gather children, lay out clothes, remind them to do chores and carry the two year old (who smells like a pee barrel) downstairs. Thankfully, my husband has breakfast laid out. Children eat, I make Bk's lunch, daddy does morning devotions and we're off!!!! I'm convinced someone gives my children red bull before they get out of bed. While I clean up they run around like MANIACS as I yell "go outside!!!" Daddy leaves with BK and I start school. This was a rare day that I was in real clothes by 9 am. Now, we have chosen to home school, which I love most of the time, but inevetibly once a day I think I have lost my mind and I'm putting all of them in school!!! We do school, I yell (I mean gently remind) the boys to focus or be quiet or stop throwing pencils...Jude whines or colors on things he shouldn't or spills water everywhere or colors on himself (all of which happened today). We clean up the mess from school, 

and go read. 

Now, once again, home schooling is great...blah blah blah. Did I mention someone is with me or touching me ALL THE TIME.

 I make lunch, clean up lunch, do my 20th load of laundry for the day (ok, maybe that's exagerating!) Load boys in car. REALITY...Cole forgot shoes, the only shoes I could find for Jude were different sizes (thankfully they were the same kind of shoes), and I just changed Jude out of his pajamas right before we left. Pick up BK, cole locks us out of the car so I get to look like the psycho mom talking through my teeth threatening Cole within an inch of his life until I realize I have the keys. Sorry Cole =) We get home and PRAISE JESUS for rest time. If I had it all together they would all read quietly in their rooms while listening to classical music...REALITY they can watch TV for the whole 2 hours for all I care as long as I get some quiet time! During rest time I realize that I am missing two key ingredients for dinner. Dillema, take all the children to the store or have peanut butter and jelly for dinner. I bribed myself with coffee from starbucks if I bring all the hoodlums to the store. We get to the store, Cole does have shoes this time, but Jude has a 5 o'clock shadow from who knows what nastiness and I don't even wipe him down. We go to publix and I'm about ready to make a sign that says "YES! they are all mine, and YES I know how this happens, and YES, I know my hands are full!" We make it through the store to the check out to which the 2 year old loses his mind because he wants ALL the candy (whoever decides to put the candy at a 2 year olds eye level is cruel and evil!). I carry the maniac child out with the other 3 crazy people, as everyone stares, load the car and I get my coffee. HALLELUJAH! 

                                  This could be why people stare =)

I come home and ask Cooper to bring the towels we used at the beach up so I can wash them....he decided to bring the whole beach with him. 

                                                                           At least they tried to clean it up =)

I suck down my coffee and start dinner. I pull out rice for our mexican dinner and find this! For realz?!?!?!? Mold in the rice! Sushi rice it is! As I cook,  Jude follows me around and whines for coke, (until I pull the camera out) to which I may have given him some to shut him up...GASP! Now, a bright point in my day...Nina (clay's mom) brought us some awesome new clothes. Praise God for her because if not for her who knows what my children would be dressed in! This is the only kind of laundry I like! At this point in the day I think, "I have to feed these people AGAIN! and  clean up?!?!" We do, we bathe children, read stories, put to bed. I'm pretty sure the angels in heaven are singing at this point. Then we clean up...AGAIN!!! (mind you, this is just from 1 day in 1 area of the house!)

   Ok, REALITY...all of this to say. We need to STOP being so hard on ourselves or judging others for "having it all together." We are all doing the best we can. We need to have the freedom to say once in a while, "this sucks royally!" I'm fairly certain if you looked up the meaning of mom it would say "glorified servant, taxi driver, or cook." Yes, it is all worth it in the end (so I've been told), but, in this moment, after this day, I will be ok with saying, this was a bad one, and definitely NOT what I signed up for! So, if you see a post of mine that seems to demonstrate I'm the perfect mother, just know I'm more than likely sitting in some kind of filth and my children are probably running wild, barefoot, in the dirt!