Saturday, March 19, 2016
How the zookeeper keeps the zoo
I've been asked by a few people lately about "How you do it" with 5 kids. So, though I FAR from have this parenting thing down, I figured I'd share a few tips on how I juggle 5 kids in public.
I think the most valuable thing I have gained being a mom of a lot of kids is to stop caring about what other people think of you. When I only had 2 or 3 kids I was always worried about people watching me and judging my parenting style. Once I had a couple more kids I realized people are going to judge or have their opinions no matter what. We literally get stared at wherever we go, good behavior, psycho behavior, cute baby, no shoe Jude, screeching…i mean singing BK, perfect obedience or tantrum throwing. It doesn't matter, we get stared at and hear all the comments all the time…"do you have a TV," "do you know how that happens," are they all yours," "are you catholic?" You name it, we've heard it! With all that said, we have all learned to laugh and keep walking. Let people think what they will, stop caring and enjoy your people.
So a few tips for herding the humans in my zoo…
-I read a book a few years ago called "The Power of Positive Parenting." Game changer! One of the most valuable things I read in that book was something along the lines of, children are uncivilized creatures. They don't come out knowing social norms and acceptable behaviors. It's our job to teach them. If we constantly say no, they will know what NOT to do in that situation, but they will not necessarily learn what TO do in a situation. So, if you come hang out with me at any given time, before we get out of the car I will run through what I expect. It will sound something like this.
Mom "what kind of behavior do I expect?
kids "Good behavior."
Mom, "Are you going to yell in the store?"
Kids, "no."
Mom, "are you going to run away from me."
kids, "no"
Mom, "are you going to ask for things or whine?"
Kids, "no."
Depending on what we are doing I may add a few.
-Now, this little trick I learned from my momma. If my kids start acting crazy we LEAVE. Like walk away from your cart, gather psycho children and LEAVE the premisis! This may mean dry cereal for dinner or scavenging for leaves in the backyard because you left the toilet paper in the cart, but do it. I have done it once, now my kids know, they get crazy, we leave. One of my favorite things is hearing the older kids tell the younger ones when they start to feel the "urge to surge" "guys, mommy will leave and we won't get anything, don't be naughty!"
-Now, inevitably someone is going to lose their sh*t at some point. ALWAYS. The key. Keep your cool. Though I may feel like I'm going to internally combust inside I use every shred of will power to keep my cool when my child is trying out for the exorcist in the middle of aisle 8. I try to calmly tell them that they have one opportunity to calm down and obey or we will leave. If they don't comply I pick their flailing, demon possessed self up, tell the other children to follow (to which no one tries anything crazy because they see the fire in my eyes) and we go to the car. Then once said demon child has calmed down, we talk through their psychosis, and whatever pre determined "discipline" was decided before we went into that poor establishment is, we carry out. JUST KEEP CALM. Don't give the judgers anything else to judge.
-Another little trick is sticker charts for the younger
kiddos. I wrote a blog a while back about this. These work AMAZINGLY! Little ones tend to forget some of the expectations, so if you go through them and they have a goal to work towards it is golden. For some more detailed info on this you can look here. http://thenettleszoo.blogspot.com/2013/06/back-in-saddle-and-behavior-charts.html?m=1
-Since our little people have been really little we require that they either hold onto the stroller or cart or whatever human cargo carrier we are using. We don't chase kids. It's not a thing. If they run away, we leave. We really have never had much of an issue with this. I don't know if that's because we've done it since they were tiny or what. Our kids have probably figured out we don't chase people. If they want to run off, go…no one is following (stellar parenting for the win!). So now, especially at places like Disney it's not hard to keep tabs on everyone because everyone stays close.
-We also work REALLY hard at teaching our kids to think of others as more important than themselves. So, some people may get stuff sometimes and others don't. We have learned to prep the kids before if we know this scenario may happen, but even if we don't, this is life, you throw a fit, we leave.
-Lastly, enjoy your little people. They are super cool and pretty fun. I have always parented with the philosophy that I want my children to be obedient and respectful, but I still want them to be kids. That means they are going to be weird and silly and say the most ridiculous things at the most embarrassing times, but thats ok. Enjoy this (I know this is easier said than done!).
So, because I have put this out there, the next time I see any of you my kids will probably be acting crazy, I will be sweating, someone will be pooping and another will be without shoes, but hey, real life…Just know I'm not judging a one of you in this crazy thing called parenting….may the odds be ever in your favor.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Restart
So, if you walk around with me and the zoo for any period of time you will hear "you have your hands full" or something along those lines. I usually just laugh it off and keep moving. The more I hear the more self control I have to use to not say "thanks for that captain obvious!"
As annoying as that statement can be I was feeling all the weight of "having my hands full" at the beginning of this school year. I'm not sure if it was adding another little human to the chaos, or just life. I felt myself waking up in the morning not wanting the day to start because all I could see was the unending to do list. I felt like every day was a weird kind of groundhogs day. A million tasks, all very much the same as the day before, but still a heavy weight on my shoulders to check them off the list. With all that I had to accomplish in a day I felt like if I accomplished one thing I was failing at another. I would end my day falling into bed thinking of all the things I missed, messed up, or just completely failed at. I realized I was trudging through my day with a scowl on my face, snapping at my little people to "hurry up," "just focus on your task and finish," or "just do it, I just want to be done." I felt myself with my shoulders hunched in stress and literally viewing the sweetness of my children and time I spend with them as a task. I was viewing this season as a task to check off my list….and then I would feel like an even bigger failure.
I used the Christmas break to reflect on all of this and the ache of failure and stress that was weighing me down. I felt the Lord impress on my heart over and over, "I will equip you for what I have called you." I started to feel my shoulders relax and the pressure and my to do list lessen its weight. Though none of my circumstances changed, none of my tasks lessened, I definitely didn't have less children, I felt a rebirth of sorts. I felt like I had rediscovered the joy in my mundane. This doesn't mean anything got easier per se, it just means I was reminded that in this super short season of life (or any season of life) I have to daily take a breath and remember what is important. I still like order and a clean house, I still have to do school with the kids, and nurse a hungry baby, and exercise so that I can stay healthy and take care of this zoo, I still have to cook dinner, and etc, but I AM ENOUGH! My savior has equipped me for which he has called me. I AM ENOUGH because what I can accomplish in a day is not where my worth is found. My value is not determined by what I can do, but what my Savior has done for me.
By God's grace I have been able to rest in this season. Oh the joy I have found. The sweet snuggles of my children. Watching my children learn. Making my home a place we all want to be. Their are many days where I start to feel the pressure of the days tasks, but I literally say "I am doing the BEST that I can do," take a deep breath and move on. This probably means when you see me some, or all of us, will look a hot mess, or when we climb out of the car things fall out with us, but hopefully you will also see a big smile on our faces.
I write this as a reminder to myself, so that when I start to feel overwhelmed I will remember to take a breath and CHOOSE joy. I also write this so that you, whoever reads this, whatever stage of life you are in will know that YOU ARE ENOUGH! You are right where the Lord wants you. What will you choose, will you choose to wake up tomorrow with the weight of the day and all you MUST do, going to bed replaying all the ways you have failed? Or, will you wake in the mooring and CHOOSE joy, joy doesn't mean jumping out of bed singing and dancing (BK might do this on the ergs), but it does mean resting in where God has you and remembering that He has equipped you for what He has called you today! Rest in this hope and joy!
As annoying as that statement can be I was feeling all the weight of "having my hands full" at the beginning of this school year. I'm not sure if it was adding another little human to the chaos, or just life. I felt myself waking up in the morning not wanting the day to start because all I could see was the unending to do list. I felt like every day was a weird kind of groundhogs day. A million tasks, all very much the same as the day before, but still a heavy weight on my shoulders to check them off the list. With all that I had to accomplish in a day I felt like if I accomplished one thing I was failing at another. I would end my day falling into bed thinking of all the things I missed, messed up, or just completely failed at. I realized I was trudging through my day with a scowl on my face, snapping at my little people to "hurry up," "just focus on your task and finish," or "just do it, I just want to be done." I felt myself with my shoulders hunched in stress and literally viewing the sweetness of my children and time I spend with them as a task. I was viewing this season as a task to check off my list….and then I would feel like an even bigger failure.
I used the Christmas break to reflect on all of this and the ache of failure and stress that was weighing me down. I felt the Lord impress on my heart over and over, "I will equip you for what I have called you." I started to feel my shoulders relax and the pressure and my to do list lessen its weight. Though none of my circumstances changed, none of my tasks lessened, I definitely didn't have less children, I felt a rebirth of sorts. I felt like I had rediscovered the joy in my mundane. This doesn't mean anything got easier per se, it just means I was reminded that in this super short season of life (or any season of life) I have to daily take a breath and remember what is important. I still like order and a clean house, I still have to do school with the kids, and nurse a hungry baby, and exercise so that I can stay healthy and take care of this zoo, I still have to cook dinner, and etc, but I AM ENOUGH! My savior has equipped me for which he has called me. I AM ENOUGH because what I can accomplish in a day is not where my worth is found. My value is not determined by what I can do, but what my Savior has done for me.
By God's grace I have been able to rest in this season. Oh the joy I have found. The sweet snuggles of my children. Watching my children learn. Making my home a place we all want to be. Their are many days where I start to feel the pressure of the days tasks, but I literally say "I am doing the BEST that I can do," take a deep breath and move on. This probably means when you see me some, or all of us, will look a hot mess, or when we climb out of the car things fall out with us, but hopefully you will also see a big smile on our faces.
I write this as a reminder to myself, so that when I start to feel overwhelmed I will remember to take a breath and CHOOSE joy. I also write this so that you, whoever reads this, whatever stage of life you are in will know that YOU ARE ENOUGH! You are right where the Lord wants you. What will you choose, will you choose to wake up tomorrow with the weight of the day and all you MUST do, going to bed replaying all the ways you have failed? Or, will you wake in the mooring and CHOOSE joy, joy doesn't mean jumping out of bed singing and dancing (BK might do this on the ergs), but it does mean resting in where God has you and remembering that He has equipped you for what He has called you today! Rest in this hope and joy!
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Stepping out of my comfort zone.
So, today I did something I swore I would NEVER do...I competed in my first crossfit competition. I cannot lie, it was HARD. Going in my goal was to not come in last....I came in 10th out of 19 (although their was a Hope Solo and Hellen Keller so it was probably out of 17, but who is splitting hairs here!) Apparently the way to get me to do things is to make me swear I never will, and then I will (hence a few half marathons and natural childbirth). As I was mentally preparing myself for this competition and struggling through the feelings of not wanting to look like a complete idiot and completely failing I had to do a little self reflection and self talk.
I HATE trying things if I know I won't be good at it. Having children has been the biggest push for me to analyze my behavior so that if their are things I need to work on, I work on. I want to be a mom that is an example to my kids. I want them to know that if they work hard they can do ANYTHING. They may not be the best at it, but they can be better than they were. I don't want what they "think" they can do to define them. I want them to embrace hard work. I want them to fight to be better at all they do. I can't hold them to that standard if I don't hold myself to that, so today I pulled a FREAKING car and about died doing 3 other WODS. Where did I observe people trying and failing and trying and failing and they still kept trying....my siblings.
I'm 1 of 5 kids. What some of you may not know is that 3 of my 5 siblings have some learning struggles. I grew up watching both my brothers and my younger sister struggle at most of the things they attempted. I watched them be made fun of because they were usually last or close to it. I watched them fight to learn and do things that came pretty naturally to me and my youngest sister. You know what else I watched, I watched them try NO MATTER WHAT! They didn't let their learning struggles define them. They didn't let the scoffers deter them from at least trying. They are AMAZING! They go into each situation holding their head high, trying as hard as they humanly can and then, be proud of what they accomplished, but not only that, they are the most loyal and encouraging humans on the planet. If they are in your corner you will have a cheerleader for life. I want my kids to be just like them. I don't want them to be so prideful (like me) that they don't even try. I want them to set a goal and reach, no matter what! No matter if they are going to come in last....I want them to TRY. I don't want their circumstances to define them, I want them to define their circumstances, just like my siblings do!
Today I competed with my younger brother Adam. The first WOD he had never done a movement at the weight that was required. That didn't stop him....he muscled his way through and finished that WOD like a beast. The second WOD was a movement he could barely lift at 55 pounds that morning. We worked on it together for a while and he had a personal best of 85 pounds 3 times. He pulled a giant truck and pushed through one of the most challenging WODs I've done in a while. He may have came in last, but he is the very BEST in my book. Adam, you are my hero and I had so much fun with you today!
Now I am going to go pass out.
I HATE trying things if I know I won't be good at it. Having children has been the biggest push for me to analyze my behavior so that if their are things I need to work on, I work on. I want to be a mom that is an example to my kids. I want them to know that if they work hard they can do ANYTHING. They may not be the best at it, but they can be better than they were. I don't want what they "think" they can do to define them. I want them to embrace hard work. I want them to fight to be better at all they do. I can't hold them to that standard if I don't hold myself to that, so today I pulled a FREAKING car and about died doing 3 other WODS. Where did I observe people trying and failing and trying and failing and they still kept trying....my siblings.
I'm 1 of 5 kids. What some of you may not know is that 3 of my 5 siblings have some learning struggles. I grew up watching both my brothers and my younger sister struggle at most of the things they attempted. I watched them be made fun of because they were usually last or close to it. I watched them fight to learn and do things that came pretty naturally to me and my youngest sister. You know what else I watched, I watched them try NO MATTER WHAT! They didn't let their learning struggles define them. They didn't let the scoffers deter them from at least trying. They are AMAZING! They go into each situation holding their head high, trying as hard as they humanly can and then, be proud of what they accomplished, but not only that, they are the most loyal and encouraging humans on the planet. If they are in your corner you will have a cheerleader for life. I want my kids to be just like them. I don't want them to be so prideful (like me) that they don't even try. I want them to set a goal and reach, no matter what! No matter if they are going to come in last....I want them to TRY. I don't want their circumstances to define them, I want them to define their circumstances, just like my siblings do!
Today I competed with my younger brother Adam. The first WOD he had never done a movement at the weight that was required. That didn't stop him....he muscled his way through and finished that WOD like a beast. The second WOD was a movement he could barely lift at 55 pounds that morning. We worked on it together for a while and he had a personal best of 85 pounds 3 times. He pulled a giant truck and pushed through one of the most challenging WODs I've done in a while. He may have came in last, but he is the very BEST in my book. Adam, you are my hero and I had so much fun with you today!
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Self Worth and Raising Girls
So, a few months ago I had my first big moment of feeling like, as a parent, I was failing. Now, I regularly feel like I am royally screwing up this mom thing, but this moment was different. Bailey Kate had come downstairs and was checking herself out in the mirror. Since my girl could find her reflection in anything she would stop and admire what she saw. I was worried I would have to figure out how to make her not so narcissistic because she LOVES herself, but I realized on that day a few months ago I was doing damage, I was leaving scars. Let me back up...
I remember the moment I became aware of my size and how it related to other people. I was in the second grade. I was in the hallway at school and my whole class was being measured and weighed for field day. I was the last in line. I remember playing with the girl in front of me without a care in the world. I remember she got weighed and measured and then it was my turn. I weighed 70 pounds. I don't remember what the other girl weighed, but it was less than me and she said "woah, you weigh more than me so you are fatter." That was it, the moment I started to let my size affect my self worth. This has been a life long struggle, fighting the feeling that the way I look defines who I am. No matter what size I have been I have always wanted to be thinner. I, too often, let how I look rob me of my peace and joy and I don't want that for my girls.
So, back to that day. I watched BK look in the mirror expecting the usual hair flip or the hilarious chat she would have with her reflection, but this day I saw her turn to the side, suck her stomach in and ask me, "mom, do I look fat?" ugh! A punch to the gut!!!! My sweet, care free, confident, self loving little girl was looking at her reflection and not liking what she saw. What made it even worse was that I knew she had heard me ask that question. I knew that she had seen me change my outfit multiple times and hear me mutter under my breath about how fat I felt, or how she would hear me say that I didn't want to eat something because it would make me fat. I was part of why my girl asked this question.
In this culture so much worth is placed on outward appearance. If you got your information from our culture you would quickly see what we as a society put value on is how you look. So, as a mom of girls how am I going to raise these treasures to realize that no matter how God made you are valuable! In that moment as my heart broke I realized I can change this. I called her over and hugged her tight. I told her she was beautiful and strong and healthy. I also said that us Nettles girls don't ever ask if we are fat, we ask if we look strong and healthy. I smooched that girl and sent her on her way.
I immediately purposed to NEVER comment on my size or how ugly I felt that day. I purposed to NEVER speak of food or exercise as the enemy. I have been super blessed with a husband (and parents) that NEVER make me feel like my size matters at all. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, I know he loves me for so much more than what I look like. I want this for my girls, but in order to find a man like this, especially in this oversexualized culture, they have to know their worth is not defined by their appearance.
In the last few years I have purposed to not let my worth be defined by outward things, and I have to teach my children this. I have taken active roles to help with this. I think it is important to feel good about yourself and to take care of the body God has given you. After Jude I started running and doing Crossfit. I continued Crossfit through my pregnancy with Rose. Though I still would love to be thinner I know that I am strong and healthy. My kids come with me every day to the gym and watch me sweat. They watch me take this time for myself to be HEALTHY and strong. BK watches me. Bailey Kate begged me for months to start crossfit and after her little mirror incident I couldn't get her there fast enough. The other day she came up to me after a class and said, "mom, I look super strong don't I?" "yes, baby girl, you look super strong!"
My prayer for my girls, and goal in this crazy thing called parenting, is that they would realize that they are not valuable because of how they look or how smart they are. They are valuable because they are made in the image of Jesus. They are valuable because they are kind and generous and patient and gentle and strong. They are valuable because they were made to make a difference in this world and love others. I want them to know that their mommy and daddy and brothers love them NO MATTER WHAT! I want them to never struggle with how they look because they are so confident in the person God has made them to be.
Side note: I want this all for my boys to, but I think it translates a little differently for girls in this day in age.
I remember the moment I became aware of my size and how it related to other people. I was in the second grade. I was in the hallway at school and my whole class was being measured and weighed for field day. I was the last in line. I remember playing with the girl in front of me without a care in the world. I remember she got weighed and measured and then it was my turn. I weighed 70 pounds. I don't remember what the other girl weighed, but it was less than me and she said "woah, you weigh more than me so you are fatter." That was it, the moment I started to let my size affect my self worth. This has been a life long struggle, fighting the feeling that the way I look defines who I am. No matter what size I have been I have always wanted to be thinner. I, too often, let how I look rob me of my peace and joy and I don't want that for my girls.
So, back to that day. I watched BK look in the mirror expecting the usual hair flip or the hilarious chat she would have with her reflection, but this day I saw her turn to the side, suck her stomach in and ask me, "mom, do I look fat?" ugh! A punch to the gut!!!! My sweet, care free, confident, self loving little girl was looking at her reflection and not liking what she saw. What made it even worse was that I knew she had heard me ask that question. I knew that she had seen me change my outfit multiple times and hear me mutter under my breath about how fat I felt, or how she would hear me say that I didn't want to eat something because it would make me fat. I was part of why my girl asked this question.
In this culture so much worth is placed on outward appearance. If you got your information from our culture you would quickly see what we as a society put value on is how you look. So, as a mom of girls how am I going to raise these treasures to realize that no matter how God made you are valuable! In that moment as my heart broke I realized I can change this. I called her over and hugged her tight. I told her she was beautiful and strong and healthy. I also said that us Nettles girls don't ever ask if we are fat, we ask if we look strong and healthy. I smooched that girl and sent her on her way.
I immediately purposed to NEVER comment on my size or how ugly I felt that day. I purposed to NEVER speak of food or exercise as the enemy. I have been super blessed with a husband (and parents) that NEVER make me feel like my size matters at all. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, I know he loves me for so much more than what I look like. I want this for my girls, but in order to find a man like this, especially in this oversexualized culture, they have to know their worth is not defined by their appearance.
In the last few years I have purposed to not let my worth be defined by outward things, and I have to teach my children this. I have taken active roles to help with this. I think it is important to feel good about yourself and to take care of the body God has given you. After Jude I started running and doing Crossfit. I continued Crossfit through my pregnancy with Rose. Though I still would love to be thinner I know that I am strong and healthy. My kids come with me every day to the gym and watch me sweat. They watch me take this time for myself to be HEALTHY and strong. BK watches me. Bailey Kate begged me for months to start crossfit and after her little mirror incident I couldn't get her there fast enough. The other day she came up to me after a class and said, "mom, I look super strong don't I?" "yes, baby girl, you look super strong!"
My prayer for my girls, and goal in this crazy thing called parenting, is that they would realize that they are not valuable because of how they look or how smart they are. They are valuable because they are made in the image of Jesus. They are valuable because they are kind and generous and patient and gentle and strong. They are valuable because they were made to make a difference in this world and love others. I want them to know that their mommy and daddy and brothers love them NO MATTER WHAT! I want them to never struggle with how they look because they are so confident in the person God has made them to be.
Me and my beautiful baby girls
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
For those of you who think I have it all together
So, occasionally people will tell me they think I'm amazing, or super mom or have super powers. I'll be honest this makes me kind of anxious because it couldn't be farther from the truth. Having people put me on a pedastool makes me really nervous because the pain associated with falling off the pedastool when I disappoint said people is no fun....so, to avoid this pain altogether I'm going to give you a few examples of why I am most definitely NOT super mom!
- Today at Crossfit I couldn't figure out why Rose was screaming throughout the WOD. She is usually happy to sit in her car seat and observe, but not today. After I finished I picked her up thinking she was just hungry, but no....she, and her car seat, were covered in sh*t! I, dripping with sweat, picked her up and took her to the car to get her cleaned up (all while my 4 year old was roaming freely around the gym, with no shoes). Of course I couldn't find any wipes so I did what any normal person would do and took her to the bathroom, washed her in the sink and dried her with paper towels (sorry Bobby). Most normal people would head home and clean the car seat and such, not me!!! I put a paper towel in the car seat and headed to target!
- My 4 year old loses his shoes on the daily. I don't mean at home, I mean like drops them in random places never to be seen again. Most moms would make sure he had shoes when leaving places, but somehow this slips through the cracks most days. Instead of heading home and getting more shoes I've given up and he just goes barefoot. So, when you see him out with nasty jiffy feet you'll know why!
- I feed my children chemical filled, processed Ramen noodle soup at least once a week...and they LOVE it!
- I've given up on dressing my kids. I used to dress the boys in adorable matching gymboree outfits almost everyday when they were younger (thank you Nina). Now I'm happy if everyone has underwear on! For example, Jude's favorite outfit these days is blue and orange checkered pants with a red and blue striped shirt....totally on point!
- I fully intended on having the kids have Bible time and a separate reading time at least 4 days a week this summer....we've done that ONCE, I repeat ONCE this WHOLE summer.
- We paid a sweet, unassuming young man to detail our car this week. It took him ELEVEN hours!!!! It doesn't take that long to clean my house!!! Poor thing had no idea my children concoct disgusting creations and dump them in every crevice they can find.
- If I take my children grocery shopping half of the food is opened because I'm trying to keep children quiet. It's a fun game for the cashier to see if she can find which bags will spill everywhere and which ones won't.
- I have a house cleaner that comes every other week (God bless her!!!).
- Jude peed in the bed the other night. Instead of sweetly changing his pj's and remaking his bed I stripped him down, threw dry pj's at him and threw a blanket on the floor and said goodnight. I was just happy I remembered to wash the sheets the next morning.
- My 4 year old was bellowing for me the other day and called me "mom butt face," very sweetly of course!
- I LOVE dumb reality tv and am HORRIBLE at making myself read.
- I LOVE babies and HATE teenagers...this is going to present a problem very soon!
- I love wine, coffee and bedtime.
I could go on and on, but I'll spare you all. I hope this makes anyone who feels like they are failing at this mom thing feel a little bit better. I will say in the short, almost 8 years I've been doing this, I have learned to not sweat the small stuff. Some days are easier than others, but it makes my days more enjoyable if I can sit back, take a deep breath (or 20) and laugh. I mean seriously, if I've kept them alive for another day I feel like I've accomplished a goal for the day! Just remember, this isn't a competition, we are all doing the best we can and wine, their is always wine!
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Teaching My Children To Fail
So, I know this title may sound weird, especially coming from a mom who should want her kids to have the best and not feel pain or sadness, but lately I've been thinking a lot about this. The idea that I want my children to be "good" at failing. You may be asking, "what does that even mean?!" Well, this is what it means to me...
It actually means a couple of things to me. First, I think in todays day in age we work a little too hard at making everyone a "winner." Like I said before, this is hard as a mom, but I don't want my kids to always win. If they are "winners" regardless of their effort what is the point. I have 5 children, they are all VERY different which means some are better at things than others. For example, Cole tends to be more athletic than Cooper. It's no secret to either boy that Cole is more athletic than Cooper, but instead of either not making a big deal about Cole's accomplishments athletically so we don't hurt Cooper's feelings, or trying to make everything "fair" (which means Cole doesn't do his best) so everyone is happy, we have chosen to talk about it. We noticed that Cooper would evaluate if he could win, or be the best, at the activity we were doing and if he felt like he couldn't he wouldn't even try. I get this, I do this! I don't want him to live that way though. I want him to try, I want him to work, and I want him to fail so that he will learn that it's OK! We want to teach our kids that we are not all good at everything. This doesn't mean that we don't work super hard to be the best we can be at what we set our mind to, but it DOES mean, even if we didn't win or we weren't the best we cheer on those who did win or who are the best. This is life. It's been interesting to watch, recently I heard the boys chatting in the backseat. Coop told cole, "you are better at karate than me, but I'm better at spelling. That's ok! I'll help you spell better and you can show me some karate moves." My heart seriously melted!!! That's what I have prayed for, see the benefit of having someone "be" better than you, you don't have to be unkind or jealous to make yourself feel better, you can encourage and learn from them! I hope this teaches them that when they are adults they MUST work hard to get what they want, but they must also be kind and gracious. I want my kids to be each others (and others) biggest cheer leaders. I know some people say this could make them push overs, but I think it is the opposite, I think it will make them amazing leaders.
This leads to my second reason I want my kids to be good at failing. Being raised in a large family without a lot of discretionary income we learned really early that just because one of us got something doesn't mean the other was going to. My parents took it to another level, we not only didn't get what the other person got every time, but we needed to be happy about that! I think this comes easier to some than others. I so appreciate my parents instilling this and TRAINING us in this idea. I'm pretty sure my mom would let one of us get a "treat" and not the others to train us in how to respond correctly. She would say "guys, we are going to rejoice with those who rejoice." I didn't understand when I was younger what this meant, but I do now! This is hard for me because many times one child will get something at the store or as a gift and it's just easier to say "ok, whatever" then it is to say, "no, today Jude is going to get something and not you and we are going to be happy for them," and deal with the subsequent tantrum. We are practicing this a lot lately (feel free to stare if you see me with a screaming child in target). I want my kids to learn that this world does NOT revolve around them. This means if Jude gets something, you work really hard at being happy for him. You're time will come, you lack for nothing, you will learn to be happy for others and not immediately think "when is it my turn?" I think this will serve them well in relationships as adults. I hope as they grow and as we "practice" this, my little humans will grow into the kind of people that love and encourage well, are grateful for what they have and not always looking at what others have and want it, or walk around with a scowl on their face thinking about how "life isn't fair." They'll know that, yup, life isn't fair and that's ok!!!
It actually means a couple of things to me. First, I think in todays day in age we work a little too hard at making everyone a "winner." Like I said before, this is hard as a mom, but I don't want my kids to always win. If they are "winners" regardless of their effort what is the point. I have 5 children, they are all VERY different which means some are better at things than others. For example, Cole tends to be more athletic than Cooper. It's no secret to either boy that Cole is more athletic than Cooper, but instead of either not making a big deal about Cole's accomplishments athletically so we don't hurt Cooper's feelings, or trying to make everything "fair" (which means Cole doesn't do his best) so everyone is happy, we have chosen to talk about it. We noticed that Cooper would evaluate if he could win, or be the best, at the activity we were doing and if he felt like he couldn't he wouldn't even try. I get this, I do this! I don't want him to live that way though. I want him to try, I want him to work, and I want him to fail so that he will learn that it's OK! We want to teach our kids that we are not all good at everything. This doesn't mean that we don't work super hard to be the best we can be at what we set our mind to, but it DOES mean, even if we didn't win or we weren't the best we cheer on those who did win or who are the best. This is life. It's been interesting to watch, recently I heard the boys chatting in the backseat. Coop told cole, "you are better at karate than me, but I'm better at spelling. That's ok! I'll help you spell better and you can show me some karate moves." My heart seriously melted!!! That's what I have prayed for, see the benefit of having someone "be" better than you, you don't have to be unkind or jealous to make yourself feel better, you can encourage and learn from them! I hope this teaches them that when they are adults they MUST work hard to get what they want, but they must also be kind and gracious. I want my kids to be each others (and others) biggest cheer leaders. I know some people say this could make them push overs, but I think it is the opposite, I think it will make them amazing leaders.
This leads to my second reason I want my kids to be good at failing. Being raised in a large family without a lot of discretionary income we learned really early that just because one of us got something doesn't mean the other was going to. My parents took it to another level, we not only didn't get what the other person got every time, but we needed to be happy about that! I think this comes easier to some than others. I so appreciate my parents instilling this and TRAINING us in this idea. I'm pretty sure my mom would let one of us get a "treat" and not the others to train us in how to respond correctly. She would say "guys, we are going to rejoice with those who rejoice." I didn't understand when I was younger what this meant, but I do now! This is hard for me because many times one child will get something at the store or as a gift and it's just easier to say "ok, whatever" then it is to say, "no, today Jude is going to get something and not you and we are going to be happy for them," and deal with the subsequent tantrum. We are practicing this a lot lately (feel free to stare if you see me with a screaming child in target). I want my kids to learn that this world does NOT revolve around them. This means if Jude gets something, you work really hard at being happy for him. You're time will come, you lack for nothing, you will learn to be happy for others and not immediately think "when is it my turn?" I think this will serve them well in relationships as adults. I hope as they grow and as we "practice" this, my little humans will grow into the kind of people that love and encourage well, are grateful for what they have and not always looking at what others have and want it, or walk around with a scowl on their face thinking about how "life isn't fair." They'll know that, yup, life isn't fair and that's ok!!!
Celebrating "just" Jude at his disco dance party...that's a whole other blog post!!!!
Thursday, May 7, 2015
PukeFest at the Zoo
If you have ever wondered what a stomach bug looks like in a large family, wonder no more! I'm not sure if it is the fact I was a pediatric nurse for 7 years (you were lucky if you got through a shift without some kind vomit escapade) or you just have to find humor in the disgusting our you'll cry. The last few days we had the delightful plague of the stomach bug at our house which we refer to as PukeFest. I've decided, for your entertainment, to share with you the less gory details of how a PukeFest plays out at the zoo. I'm going to give you a run down of how each one of the people in my family is unique....in how they puke. If you have ever had a sick kid or been around someone who is sick you find out that everyone pukes a little differently.
Clay- (he seems to have come out unscathed during this pukefest) Clay yells, like really yells. I asked him once why in the world he was so loud and he said he feels like if he yells while he pukes it will come out faster and therefore end sooner. I'm not sure if that is true, but everyone knows if he isn't feeling well.
Me-I'm sure I am the perfect puker =) Although, last night Jude had made his way into my room right as I felt the urge to purge. He took one look at what was happening and ran...faster than I've ever seen him run! Imagine the torture of puking, but also having the urge to laugh thinking about the thoughts running through my 3 year olds brain.
Cole-When Cole pukes picture the exorcist. While spewing he is yelling things like, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?" "MAKE IT STOP!" "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING." It's super hard not to crack up at all this drama.
Cooper-envision a roaming dog. He gets on all fours, circles the area he's puking in and leaves his mark. Really not the most effective way of puking and trying to catch the moving puker to have him puke in a bowl is also pretty comical to watch.
Bailey Kate- Ironically BK is our best puker, gets up, pukes in the toilet (very quietly I might add), flushes the toilet and goes back to bed. She's SUPER needy in almost every other way, but she's a champ at puking.
Jude- I'm not sure if Jude's method of puking is because he is the 4th or it's just his technique. Jude usually sits up in bed, pukes somewhere on his bed then lays back down and goes back to sleep. I find this VERY disgusting and VERY convenient. Disgusting because cleaning up fresh puke is bad enough, dried puke is even worse, but let's be real, he didn't wake me up and I got a full night sleep. During this last puke fest though he walked into my room to tell me he was going to puke and puked right in the doorway. As I said before,w I had the stomach bug too so I as not about to get up and clean that mess up. Clay was downstairs sleeping on the couch. He would have gladly helped, but he is a DEEP sleeper and the thought of walking downstairs to wake him up seemed like entirely too much work. So, what did I do, just cover it with a towel, tell everyone to jump over it like an obstacle course and I'd clean it up later. Disgusting yes, survival at its finest!
Rose- we'll see, currently she just opens her mouth and lets the goodness flow.
I'm sure you now feel like you have a better understanding of how this zoo works and you are also, now, feeling a little queasy yourself. You're Welcome!
Clay- (he seems to have come out unscathed during this pukefest) Clay yells, like really yells. I asked him once why in the world he was so loud and he said he feels like if he yells while he pukes it will come out faster and therefore end sooner. I'm not sure if that is true, but everyone knows if he isn't feeling well.
Me-I'm sure I am the perfect puker =) Although, last night Jude had made his way into my room right as I felt the urge to purge. He took one look at what was happening and ran...faster than I've ever seen him run! Imagine the torture of puking, but also having the urge to laugh thinking about the thoughts running through my 3 year olds brain.
Cole-When Cole pukes picture the exorcist. While spewing he is yelling things like, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?" "MAKE IT STOP!" "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING." It's super hard not to crack up at all this drama.
Cooper-envision a roaming dog. He gets on all fours, circles the area he's puking in and leaves his mark. Really not the most effective way of puking and trying to catch the moving puker to have him puke in a bowl is also pretty comical to watch.
Bailey Kate- Ironically BK is our best puker, gets up, pukes in the toilet (very quietly I might add), flushes the toilet and goes back to bed. She's SUPER needy in almost every other way, but she's a champ at puking.
Jude- I'm not sure if Jude's method of puking is because he is the 4th or it's just his technique. Jude usually sits up in bed, pukes somewhere on his bed then lays back down and goes back to sleep. I find this VERY disgusting and VERY convenient. Disgusting because cleaning up fresh puke is bad enough, dried puke is even worse, but let's be real, he didn't wake me up and I got a full night sleep. During this last puke fest though he walked into my room to tell me he was going to puke and puked right in the doorway. As I said before,w I had the stomach bug too so I as not about to get up and clean that mess up. Clay was downstairs sleeping on the couch. He would have gladly helped, but he is a DEEP sleeper and the thought of walking downstairs to wake him up seemed like entirely too much work. So, what did I do, just cover it with a towel, tell everyone to jump over it like an obstacle course and I'd clean it up later. Disgusting yes, survival at its finest!
Rose- we'll see, currently she just opens her mouth and lets the goodness flow.
I'm sure you now feel like you have a better understanding of how this zoo works and you are also, now, feeling a little queasy yourself. You're Welcome!
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